


Where the Red Fern Grows (except no dogs die)

by wolf1Ez



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Extended Universe, Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, Fluff, It’s about dogs, One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22138774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolf1Ez/pseuds/wolf1Ez
Summary: The one time Harley decides to actually take Bruce’s advice after that faithful night.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn
Comments: 9
Kudos: 360





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There’s a criminally low number of fics out there that include Bud and Lou. So here’s my contribution.

It was Bruce that had suggested it. On the same night Harley nearly went mad with a panic attack on her kitchen floor as Selina desperately pushed a coffee table against the front door that was being hacked down from the other side by the former’s psychotic ex. 

And ever since, she hasn’t been sleeping peacefully either, despite having the luxury of crashing in a room at _the_ Wayne Manor. 

But she couldn’t stay forever, despite the couple’s reassurances that she was more than welcome. It was too far from her job, and she missed not having to walk half a mile just to the kitchen. So after nearly a week of gathering lost confidence, Bruce helped her replace the door to her condo. One that wouldn’t splinter under even the heaviest axe. 

Yet, in her own home, protected by Wayne Tech level security, sleep refused to come easily. 

Maybe she should follow up on Bruce’s advice, and get a dog or something. Anything to make sure she’ll be okay even if she was alone. Selina wouldn’t always be there, and Bruce can’t always make it in time. 

That was how she found herself looking up at the huge sign behind dark shades in the middle of May. _Northern Gotham Rescue_. It was the same place where Selina adopted Isis. 

She stepped inside and was swept up almost immediately by a volunteer. The woman asked her several questions and Harley answered them honestly about what her living situation: living space, children or other pets, how much time she had to take care of a pet, et cetera. She couldn’t shake the excitement, hearing a chorus of barking somewhere from the back of the center. 

Satisfied, the lady led her towards the cages. She was saying something about receiving a pack of greyhounds rescued from a local greyhound racing ring but Harley paid her an ounce of attention, eyes falling immediately on one of the bigger cages. 

Inside were two scrawny looking dogs, wrestling with a toy tire between them. Their backs were solid black and their bellies and paws a patchy mix of black and brown. She could tell from how their floppy ears were that they weren’t quite fully grown yet, but their sizes told her that they couldn’t be any younger than a year old. 

One’s ear was missing the tip, looking like it was sewn poorly shut and healed into a nasty and uneven scar. The other’s tail was docked, replaced with a naked stub wagging back and forth fiercely as the dog tugged on the toy stubbornly. 

Her eyes trailed to the clipboard hung on the side of their cage: 

_Hello, we’re Bud and Lou! Bud is the one with the notch in his ear, and Lou is the one with the clipped tail. We’re brothers and both 1 year old. We’re German Shepard mixes and we were rescued from a dog fighting ring in Massachusetts. We love to play! Please bring us home._

And before Harley had a chance to even register what was happening, she found herself falling in love.

“Can you tell me more about the brothers?” she asked, eyes never leaving them. 

—-

Their energies were perfect for each other and they fell into a comfortable routine. 

Harley would wake up early, before the sun rose, to prepare breakfast for Bud, Lou, and herself before bringing them out for a brisk walk. She would head to work, and on her lunch break, come home to bring the boys out for another walk to get tire them out then headed back in for the last half of her shift. In the evening, she’d come home and give them their dinner, and usually Chinese takeout for herself, before settling in for the night with the TV on and the trio on the couch. 

Slowly, but surely, Harley saw them change physically, their coats thickening, muscle and fat developing on their young bones, and their ears every so slightly becoming stiffer and sharper. 

But if she looked closely enough, she saw change _within_ them. They no longer barked at the sound of a passing car, learned how to sit, lie down, and roll over on command without looking terrified when Harley moved too quickly for their liking, and most importantly, how to trust again. 

Surely enough, as her boys grew, Harley found herself growing along with them. 

—

Selina was the first one to meet them since Harley adopted them. And it was a glorious introduction.

“Bud, Lou, this is Selina,” Harley said, holding the leashes tightly and allowing them to sniff Selina’s wavering hand, “Selina, that one’s Bud, and this one is Lou.”

Harley slackened the leash slightly and crouched down in the grass on her haunches, patting the spot next to her for Selina. 

As soon as she did, they tackled her to the ground. 

“Harley—“ Selina gasped among the onslaught of slobbering tongues and paws, “Harls, call them off, I’m—“ 

She couldn’t stop giggling, attempting to call the boys’ names out before Selina could drown in their fur. They took the hint and clambered off their newfound friend reluctantly. 

“You’re such good boys aren’t ya’?” Harley cooed fondly, pulling their heads in for a gentle group hug as Selina composed herself, brushing grass and dirt from her hair, “Yes you are, my babies. You’re such mama’s boys!” 

Selina rolled her eyes at the baby talk, but didn’t hesitate this time to scratch the back of Lou’s ears, “You really took Bruce’s advice to heart, huh?” 

“Uh-huh,” Harley nodded before pulling a tennis ball from her bag, “After that night? How couldn’t I?” 

She launched the ball and they went sprinting after it. They watched as Bud pulled ahead of Lou, but his uncoordinated and floppy paws got caught in his loose leash. He flipped forward into a somersault, and Lou, hot on his heels, crashed unceremoniously into his brother’s behind. 

Harley audibly gasped and stood to make sure they were okay. Almost as soon as they recovered, they went bounding after the ball again. Selina smirked. 

“Like a rubber ball,” she remarked when Harley flopped down next to her in relief, “I always thought you’d be more of a pitbull girl.”

“Pitbulls were Mist—Jay’s favorites. He’d always use Rocko to…” Harley trailed off somberly. Selina nudged her friend and leaned her head on her shoulder.

“These two are different, though. You wanna tell me how you met?”

Harley’s face instantly split into a bright grin, “They’re rescues from some dog fighting ring in Massachusetts. Poor babies were ‘too friendly’ for fightin’ or something like that and got kicked out on the streets before they were even fully grown.”

“Cruel,” Selina muttered bitterly, thinking of her own pet at home, “But by the looks of them, you could never guess they had to deal with something so traumatic.” 

“I know, right?” Harley beamed, before cupping her hands around her mouth, “Swe-eties!”

They froze mid-play fight and came running back to Harley and Selina. 

“They’re a handful alright,” Selina chuckled, prepared this time to catch Lou mid-leap, “But no one’s gonna even think to fuck with you after seeing you walk them around when they’ve fully grown.”

—

One awful day at work and a call from Montoya that evening was almost enough to send Harley into hysterics. Still in her work clothes and barely keeping it together on her way home, she slid down on the kitchen floor with her head in her hands trying to erase memories of that night. Trying to block out the imaginary sounds of harsh laughter and wood splintering just a few feet from her. To forget how she almost lost everything in one moment. How if Selina wasn’t there, if she had only helped, if—if—if—

You have to get up, she thought. Bud and Lou haven’t eaten dinner yet and you haven't even prepared anything for yourself. 

The grip on her biceps tightened, trying to physically and mentally get a hold of herself. It was too much, drowning in her memories and remembering the abuse locked her bones in place.

She almost couldn’t breathe until something wet nudged it’s way to lick her cheek. 

Despite everything, she couldn’t help but grin.

“Ai-eww! Buddy-baby!” she half-scolded shakily, wiping the drool from her cheek. The dog only looked back at her with a sheepish pair of brown eyes, his tongue lolling out in a canine smile.

Lou joined them quickly, nudging his head into her hands, trying to get her to pet him. 

“Hey, Louie.”

She smiled, scrubbing the tears and slobber from her face. She drew them in close, neither caring that she was gripping too tightly. 

“What would I do without you boys?”

—

Harley was fortunate to have been gifted the patience of a saint. She could tell from the instant hostility Bud and Lou adopted every time she introduced them to someone new that they weren’t very trusting. And based on their past, she couldn’t blame them. Over time, she taught them to pull the brakes first before bursting into aggressive barks and growls. Now, they always came around if they saw Harley comfortable with new strangers. 

Walking them in public was another story. Gotham’s sidewalks were a busy place, and it was difficult at times to keep the pair under control when weaving between the crowds. Equal parts curious and anxious, they tugged her towards food stands, trash in between alleyways, and even unabashedly into open door shops. 

Harley swore she was going to teach them how to walk properly, but until then, she found herself being dragged towards a colorful rack of flowers. 

She veered clear of the set up in the nick of time, one arm whipping out to balance a pot that got too close to the edge, then looked at the end of the leads. She was about to scold them for pulling her so abruptly, but instead, they were nuzzling their snouts into a pair of gloved and welcoming hands.

“Well, _hello_ to you, too,” a gentle voice said. Harley’s eyes trailed from Bud and Lou’s snouts to the arms of whomever was cradling their curious noses, to the gorgeous face of a red headed stranger. 

Harley’s voice caught in her throat and she was glad Bud and Lou we’re doing a good job distracting the red head because she was willing to bet both of them that she looked like such an ass at the moment. 

“Uhm, wow, they aren’t usually like this— I mean they pull me into shops all the time but I’m trying to teach them not to do that. W-Walk into shops randomly, I mean,” Harley cringed inwardly at her rambling, but continued without stuttering, “I mean, they’re usually wary of strangers.”

Bud chanced a whiff at the woman’s face, brown eyes looking into her green ones innocently. 

“They’re cute, don’t worry about it,” the woman smiled and stood slowly, much to the boys’ dismay, whining softly when her hands left their heads, “Is there anything I can help you with? Unless they dragged you here to smell the flowers, which you’re more than welcome to do.” 

Just then, their attention was directed to the sound of Lou sneezing after getting a face full of pollen from sticking his nose into a pot of hydrangeas. Harley tittered fondly and leaned down to pick up the plant and tucking it against her with one arm. 

“Y'know what, seems like Lou’s got good taste,” Harley braved facing the stranger this time, noticing the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. _Like she could get any cuter_. “Could you ring me up, um..?”

The woman smiled again, albeit a little shyly and turning from Harley a little too quickly. She led her towards the counter, “Pamela. Pam for short.” 

Harley grinned back twice as large, for once glad that her misbehaving mutts actually did something good for her, “Nice to meet you, Pam.”

—

Harley found herself wide awake in bed, staring at her closet in the pitch black of her bedroom. A gunshot from somewhere too close for comfort startled her awake. She had always been a light sleeper, because in Gotham, it was a must. 

Glancing at her phone, she groaned when it glared back the time: _3:10 AM_.

She settled back into the bed with a sigh, waiting for sleep to overcome, yet knowing it likely wouldn’t. 

A few minutes later she felt something shift in her bed. She watched curiously as the silhouette of Lou rose from the foot her bed and hopped on the ground. He shook, the tag on his collar ringing quietly, then he padded over to her open door. She listened to his nails clacked against the hardwood floor, paused, then she heard what sounded like him laying down on the ground, somewhere in the living room or kitchen. She pouted for a moment, thinking that he found being on the cold hard ground alone more comfortable than the warm bed with her. But then she heard the clacking of nails and paws against the hardwood floor again, this time approaching her. 

Bud’s silhouette appeared in her doorway. She knew because the tip of his right ear didn’t quite match the one on the left. She looked at him curiously before he walked to her bed, hopped on, circled in the spot where Lou previously occupied, and laid down with a content sigh. 

...

Did they… Do this every night? 

She felt like crying, but instead just shook her head with a soft laugh. Reversing her body and adjusting her mountain of pillows so that her head laid by her loyal companion, Harley found rest at last, listening to soft hums and sighs of her pet.

— 

Pam wrapped her arm around Harley’s waist tightly. She was listening to Harley relay the events of that terrifying night, the reason why her door didn’t match the color of her walls, why she adopted Bud and Lou, her ever loyal companions, nearly two years ago. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, for the lack of anything better to say.

Harley shrugged and pulled her closer, tucking her head under her chin, feeling safe just by being in her arms, “That was a long time ago, anyway. He hasn’t caused me any trouble since.”

At their feet, they felt Bud and Lou shift in their sleep. Harley giggled, using the tip of her toe to gently pet their bellies. 

“Besides,” she whispered, planting a soft kiss to Pam’s collarbone, “I’ve never felt safer than right now.”

—

Harley cradled Bud’s head in her lap. The cone around his neck was poking her boob awkwardly, but it was the least she could do for him, she thought, as she patted his belly. 

“I told ya’ to stop scratchin’ at that ear of yours,” she chastised when he whined and pawed at the cone for the seventh time, “If you’d listened to your doctor and lemme put the meds in like I was supposed to, you wouldn’t be here.”

There was the sound of keys at the front door, causing Bud and Lou to straighten and point their ears at the door. Lou stood quickly by her feet, ready to lunge, and Bud positioned himself between Harley and whatever threat lay behind the door. 

The lock clicked open and a disgruntled Pam stumbled in, arms cradling two overflowing bags of groceries. Harley was quick to rise and help her girlfriend with a laugh.

“Red! Why didn’t you just call me for help?” she asked as she lifted a paper bag off her arms and laid it on the counter.

“The elevator’s broken and there’s no way I’m taking two trips over three flights of stairs,” Pam defended, reaching into one of the bags. 

She pulled out a box of pasta and stick of butter, which Harley took instantly and brought over to the stove to prepare. 

“I got something for the boys, too,” Pam said cheerily.

Bringing a pot of water to a boil, Harley glanced over her shoulder to see Pam lift a huge bone from the bag. Bud and Lou immediately dropped to their haunches and looked up eagerly at Pam, tongues lolling and eyes positively gleaming with joy. She couldn’t keep the laugh bubbling from her chest.

“You’re gonna spoil them rotten,” Harley said half heartedly, looking pointedly at the mountain of toys in the dogs’ beds. Pam elected to ignore her.

She commanded a few tricks from the pair before handing it to them, which they tackled eagerly and brought to their corner of the apartment. 

Arms slid around Harley’s middle and a pair of lips found that spot on her shoulder that never failed to make her knees weak. 

“How was work?” Pam asked, tugging her a little closer as Harley slipped the pasta into the water.

“Fine, got to leave early today,” she hummed contentedly, leaning into her touch, “You mind prepping the sauce?”

Pam nodded and opened the fridge to retrieve the ingredients.

“Hey, uh, Red?” Harley asked, without turning to look at her. She bit her lip nervously, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yea, what’s up?” 

“Do you maybe… Want to like move-in? With Bud, Lou, and I?” 

At first Pam didn’t respond, mainly because she figured she was already moved in. And partly because one of the dogs coughed, sounding more like a scoff. At that, Pam burst into laughter. She brought a pan to the stove and put the butter and milk together. 

“You’re asking me this after being together for a year, and half my wardrobe being in your closet?” Pam asked teasingly, measuring a cup of parmesan before finding her place behind Harley again, “I thought I was moved in since our six month anniversary.” 

She blushed and put the lid on the pot of pasta, “...Er, yes? I mean, I want it to be official, y’know?”

She twisted around and slid her arms around her neck, but her eyes didn’t meet hers, “Not that I _need_ it, it’d just be nice to hear it, I guess. But I don’t want to have to make you say something for my sake, and I know--mmph!”

A pair of lips crashing against her own stopped her nervous rambling and for a moment, Harley was too stunned to reciprocate. But she leaned into her warm touch, and closed her eyes slowly, feeling a hand gently cradle the back of her neck and another pull her waist in 

Pam pulled away first and left her breathless, “Yeah, okay. I think I’d like to move in with you.” 

Harley beamed and drew her in for another searing kiss, “I love you, y'know that Pam-a-lamb?”

“Don’t I know it, Harls,” Pam replied, “I love you, too.”

She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face as she turned back to the stove, stirring the butter and milk before throwing in the parmesan. 

Her girlfriend officially moved in, dogs happy in the corner, and feeling warm inside and out despite it being almost winter, Harley couldn’t imagine a time where she was happier. She felt Pam nuzzle closer, lips finding her neck and that one spot.

“If you wash the dishes after dinner, I’ll be sure to give you _your_ treat tonight as well,” Pam whispered against her ear, chuckling when Harley’s stirring halted temporarily. 

Harley probably broke the record for fastest time to wash dishes that night. 

—

Pam came home early from work, bouquet of flowers she made herself in one hand and a velvet box that felt like a hundred pounds of lead in the other. Her nerves got the better of her, as she dropped the key to their apartment three times. 

Bud and Lou greeted her at the door as soon as she walked in. 

“Hey boys,” Pam said, knowing she wouldn’t get a verbal response, but she knew they said it back with the wag of one stubby and one bushy tail. 

She placed the flowers in a vase on the table and leaned down and opened the velvet box for them to look at. 

“What do you think?” she asked, as if they could give their opinions. They were dogs, they wouldn’t know what marriage was or what the ring meant, but she still looked into their eyes, searching for a hint of approval, “I’m going to ask your mama to marry me tonight. Is that okay?” 

Lou sniffed it once, then followed a trail from the box up her arm and to her face. Then gave her a small lick. She couldn’t help but burst into happy tears, the tension wound up over the three months since she purchased the ring, breaking open like flood gates as she pocketed the ring and pulled the dogs in. 

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to add more. Decided that more was too much for a part two. Decided to post half of that more rn.

Harley launched a tennis ball, aiming for a tree in the distance. Bud and Lou took off like a bullet after it, their eyes glued to the green dot sailing to the other end of the field. As they ran, other dogs in the park joined them and formed a small pack. 

When the ball hit its mark at the the trunk of the tree, it rebounded high. Harley watched as the pack that was chasing the ball stood still and stared at the ball as it sailed over them. 

And landed in the mouth of a big black dog. He caught it so casually in his maws that Harley wasn’t sure at first if he caught it or if there was a ball already in his mouth. 

“Nice catch, Ace.” 

Harley looked to his owner and upon recognizing who it was, took off towards him in an excited flurry.

“Bru-uce!” Harley called out and leaped into his arms. The man caught her mid air easily and gently set her down. His dog next to him looking unbothered by Harley or the two German Shepherds now trying to get him to drop their ball. 

“Hey, sorry if I kept you waiting,” he said, reaching down to unclip the leash from his dog, “Had a hard time getting Ace into the car.”

Harley waved him off and squatted down to greet his dog, “Oh don’t worry about it, I came early so Bud and Lou can burn off some steam… Speakin’ of which, who’s this handsome lad!”

Bruce stooped down next to her and gently pried the ball from his dog’s mouth.

“This is Ace, a German Shepherd too. He’s an old man now but he still has a lot of kick in him.” 

Like a gentleman, the black dog looked at Harley and bowed his head in an invitation to pet him. Which Harley took eagerly.

“Aw, what a cutie!” she cooed, scratching the fur behind his ears. She could tell from the patches of white smattered across the bridge of his muzzle and neck were signs of age. But he didn’t seem to let his age be a weakness, rather as a sign of dominance. Harley glanced at her own pair of pups. 

They were caught in a whirlwind of chasing each other’s tails. She knew Bruce was also watching them because he was doing such a stellar job of keeping a straight face. 

“When Selina said you took my advice about getting a dog, she failed to mention you got two of them.” he remarked as Harley whistled sharply to call her boys over. 

“I wasn’t planning on it when I went to the shelter but I swear it was love at first sight with these two,” she said. She commanded them to sit before continuing, “They’re brothers, and I couldn’t bear to separate ‘em.” 

Bruce nodded like he understood completely. Which, granted, he honestly did. He held an open palm out for Bud and Lou to sniff. They proceeded to cover his fingers in slobber. 

“Which one is which?” he asked, unable to mask his grin at their puppy-like greeting

Harley reached over and pointed to Lou’s docked tail: “This is Lou,” then pointed to Bud’s ears: “And Bud!”

The boys accepted Bruce’s gentle petting happily, both competing with the other for his affection and Bruce couldn’t help but laugh. 

“They’re very sweet. Reminds me of when Ace was still a puppy.”

Harley could’ve sworn she heard Ace scoff at that. 

“I kinda wish they were a lil’ like Ace though,” she admitted, “All stoic and serious.” 

Bud turned from Bruce’s hand and to Ace. He wagged his tail and dropped on his front paws, behind raised in typical ‘play-with-me!’ pose. He even ran in a little circle, zooming around Ace in an attempt to bait him to take chase. Ace never did, until Bruce gave him the go ahead. 

Lou, realizing they had a new playmate, paired with Bud and ran from Ace. But their youthful endurance was no match for Ace’s experience as he easily cut them off again and again wherever they sprinted. 

“How old are they again?” Bruce asked. 

“They’ll be four in October,” Harley said almost dreamily, “I have this whole birthday thing planned out, too! You and Selina are definitely invited.”

Bruce chuckled as Harley brought two fingers to her mouth to let out a shrill whistle, “C’mere boys! It’s snack time!”

Bud and Lou stopped in their tracks immediately and came bounding back at full speed. 

As Harley turned to grab treats from her pack, Bruce opened his arms to catch them mid air. He managed to catch a German Shepard in each arm, hurtling him backwards from their combined forces. 

Warm tongues covered his face as he took their eager play fighting in stride. Ace padded up more casually, coming over to Harley and sitting down next to her. They shared a glance while watching Bruce, Bud, and Lou rolling around in the dirt without a care in the world. Harley could barely stifle a laugh as Ace seemed to roll his eyes. 

“Boys will be boys, huh, Ace?” Harley asked and scratched at his fluffy ears. 

—-

Pam tossed her keys in the counter and hung her purse up on the hooks by the door as she came inside. The boys greeted her almost immediately, coming over and pawing at her as she took her shoes off. She smiled and pet them gently before launching herself onto the couch. 

She didn’t expect, however, to find another body as she hopped on. Harley yelped beneath her and they ended up in a painful entanglement of limbs. 

“Owwww,” Harley whined and rubbed her side, “What was that for?”

“I didn’t realize you were here, evidently,” Pam winced in response as she massaged her forehead. Her fingers then found their way to Harley’s bare side where she was rubbing and squeezed apologetically, “Sorry for not giving you a heads up. I hope I didn’t hurt you too bad.”

Harley only giggled in response and wove her fingers with Pam’s fondly, “You’re lucky I put the Switch down for a second or this coulda been a helluva lot more painful.”

As she said that, she reached over to the coffee table to retrieve said Nintendo Switch, waving the paused screen in her face.

“Is that the animal game? Uh, Animal Crossing?” Pam asked, dumbly. 

Harley beamed, “Yeah, I gotta new villager moving in today! Wanna see?”

Pam had no idea what that meant, let alone what it had to do with animals crossing something (if anything at all?).

Harley held the device over them as Pam adjusted her position to watch. Harley guided her character to the left, walking past neatly laid out and colorful gardens and trees bearing all sorts of fruit. 

She came to a stop by a blue cat and sped through the dialogue too fast for Pam to comprehend. 

“Wha—What just happened,” Pam asked, trying to understand, “Why is there a cat moving in? What’s Animal Crossing about?”

“Oh well, there’s not really a plot, I guess? It isn’t like Tomb Raider or GTA where there’s a main storyline,” Harley tried to explain, “You do a buncha side quests so you can get bells to pay off your debt.”

“You have debt? With bells? Like the ones that ring?” 

“Nah, they’re the game's currency. And you’re supposed to pay your debt off to this guy,” Harley guided her character to a little brown house and entered. Inside was a brown raccoon and two smaller twin raccoons. 

“He’s Tom Nook. I owe him for all the houses on my island,” she explained as she opened her inventory and began unloading various items. 

“...Am I reading that right?” Pam’s brow furrowed, “Are those ‘tarantulas’?”

“Oh yeah. They’re really hard to catch cus they chase you and you get knocked on your ass if you let them bite you, that’s why I can sell them for so much,” she explained and Pam watched as her bell count in the corner of her screen increased significantly.

“Tarantulas don’t bite in real life,” Pam pointed out. 

“Yeah, but scorpions do.”

“There are fucking scorpions!?”

“Yeah. They sell for a lot too.”

Pam blinked, taking in all this information at once (and at face value.)

“So you run around befriending animals living in your island but you also have to pay off their debts for staying their to the racoon--”

“Hey! He has a name and it’s Tom Nook! And he’s actually a tanuki.”

“--by selling a bunch of tarantulas to presumably his children.”

Harley pouted and approached a beach area,”There’s more to it than that, though.”

Pam sat up, peeling herself off Harley, “I’m sure, or you wouldn’t have over 200 hours put into the game.”

Harley looked embarrassed and tilted the screen away from her, “Well, yeah, but like 100 of those hours went into terraforming my island.”

“Hey, I’m just teasing,” Pam said gently. She pulled Harley up so she was sitting up and tucked herself into her side,”Do you mind if I watch for a while? Introduce me to some of your villagers?”

Harley smiled shyly and held the Switch so they could both watch comfortably, settling into her lap.

”I know it doesn’t seem like much but trust me you just somehow get really into it!

Pam still didn’t really understand, but it was all very cute the way Harley explained certain aspects, like rare fish or island visitors or turnips.

Some time later, the boys had joined them, hopping on and seemingly watching the game alongside them. Pam was too engrossed in a conversation between Harley and a bald eagle to chastise them for bringing their slobbery toys on the couch. 

—

Harley threw an M&M up in the air and opened her mouth to catch it. But she threw it up too high, causing it to hit the ceiling and come down sooner than expected. It bounced off her nose and into Pam’s shirt. 

Without missing a beat, Harley reached over and dug through her shirt and bra to retrieve her prize. Pam watched on fondly. 

“You realize there’s still the whole bag, right?” Pam shook the bag of M&Ms to emphasize her point but it didn’t stop Harley from digging deeper. 

“I know, but what if it falls out and Bud or Lou eat it,” Harley said, stubbornly, “Besides, I’m pretty sure this is just turning you on right now so I’m basically killing two birds with one stone.”

Pam bit her lip when she brushed against her nipple, “I thought your day off was so we could finally sit down and binge _The L Word_?”

She meant it to sound seductive but Harley seemed focused entirely on the task of retrieving a single M&M. Finally freeing it from her bosom, Harley held it up against the light like a jeweler holding a diamond. 

“Yeah but also I’ve been stocking up on snacks and I can finally sit down n’ eat ‘em all,” Harley slid under the blanket and grabbed an empty bowl, “Imma grab some more popcorn. More grapes?”

“And maybe a some of _you_ too,” Pam huffed under her breath before responding with a more audible, “Yes, please. Thanks.”

Harley leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek before rolling off the couch. However as she did, she stepped on something both soft and hard. Her answer as to what it could be was answered by a sharp cry. 

Harley gasped and quickly looked down to find Bud startled from his nap and sitting up. 

“Oh my God! Bud, I didn’t see you there!” Harley shrieked and fell to the floor, enveloping her dog into a tight embrace, “I’m so so so sorry!”

She pressed kisses to his ears and stroked his tail apologetically as she cried apologies into his fur. But the mutt seemed to already forget what had happened 10 seconds ago and was happily accepting the sudden affection with a dopey grin. Harley all but melted with the ground as her apology became more physical than verbal.

Pam rolled her eyes at the theatrics, “You weren’t even half this apologetic when you forgot our anniversary.” 

Harley finally sat up after making sure Bud wasn’t traumatized from her misstep and climbed back on the couch, “Aw, you jealous, Pammy?”

Pam ignored the obvious tease and swatted her wife away. But Harley relented, straddling her hips and making kissy faces. It was annoying that the way the crotch of Harley’s shorts was pinching her thigh was hurting more than was being pleasurable but she wormed her way into her arms and utterly refused to give up giving kisses until Pam reciprocated. It didn’t take long for a grin to find its way to her lips. 

“Besides,” Harley muttered between kisses, “Didn't I say I’d make it up to you every day after until you forgive me for forgettin’?”

She met Harley halfway and let her hands slip into the back pockets of the booty shorts. Harley giggled playfully against her lips and grinded her hips downwards but stopped immediately when Pam winced. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just...The zipper is poking me.”

Pam trailed her lips to her neck and one hand reached up to cup the back of her head to tilt it gently to the side to grant her better access, “How about we take these off and see if I forgive you this time around?”

“Bitch please, you forgave me like an hour after,” Harley stopped to groan when Pam gingerly scraped her teeth against an old hickey, “But I’m not saying no to free sex!”

Reaching down to grab her thighs, Pam stood slowly to make sure Harley was secured against her, and to make sure she didn’t step on any tails as she made her way to their room. Harley wrapped her arms around her wife’s neck, feeling secure enough to plant kisses all over her jaw. 

—

Pam had a shitty day at work.

She had a handful of shitty customers come in, complaint after complaint was more than enough to ruin her afternoon. Not to mention a shipment of some inventory stuff was delayed by another week, forcing her to redo her entire spreadsheet on in-shop expenditures for the month. That alone forced her to stay an hour after she closed, which didn’t help the fact that she was already at her wits end. 

And as if this perfect storm needed just a little more rain, she noticed her mother had left a nasty voicemail. She had no intention of listening to it, but she forgot her phone was connected to the Bluetooth speaker in her car and she got an earful in just the first 10 seconds. 

“— _who’s the queer on your Facebook? Is that you’re new friend? She looks gay. Be careful!_ ”

Why yes mother, Pam thought bitterly as she gripped the steering wheel and shut her radio off, that’s my fucking _wife_.

Speaking of Harley...

Pam glanced at the time and sighed. She forgot to let her know she was coming home late and felt a pang of guilt thinking that she would come home to her passed out on the couch and a cold dinner on the table. 

Can’t get anything good out of today, huh? 

When she pulled up, she saw through the windows that the lights were still on, despite how late it was. Pam was too distracted by the lights that she forgot to unclip her seat belt before climbing out. She nearly fell out of the car and smack onto the concrete but grabbed the side of the car door.

She swore and unbuckled her seat belt and punched the power button on her car. Not only was Harley likely asleep on the couch, she forgot to get the lights before dozing off. 

Pam sighed again and fumbled around her pockets for her keys. She’ll have to nudge Harls up, scootch the boys off the bed to make space for her, and throw whatever they were supposed to have for dinner in the fridge.

But at least there was Harley to come home to, Pam reminded herself as she crept in quietly, knowing the boys might start barking if she was too uncharacteristically noisy. 

Bud was the first one to greet her. Despite how late it was, he still eagerly bounded over and curled around her legs. The greeting warmed her heart knowing her probably stayed up waiting for her to come home. Before she could toe a shoe off, Lou quickly joined the pair and mimicked his brother’s greeting. 

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late,” she whispered, petting them both and patting their sides. She squatted down for a moment and squeezed the sides each of their faces gently as she dolloped a forehead kiss each, “Got caught up in work and had the worst fucking day is all. Harls okay?”

Pam followed them to the living room, hearing noise from the TV. But she didn’t exactly find Harley on the couch. 

Blankets were strewn everywhere haphazardly, over the couch and pinned to the wall with… Nails? And pushpins? 

And she knew those sheets were newly washed because she folded them this morning and placed them in the closet. 

Pam bit the inside of her lip and added ‘extra laundry’ to the top of list of the shitty things that happened today. 

Something moved from the inside of the sheets and Pam watched as Harley emerged, behind first, and crawled backwards until she was completely out. She had yet to notice Pam, facing away from her and admiring her handiwork with her hands on her hips.

“I just washed these this morning,” Pam spoke and it spooked Harley so bad she nearly ruined her pillow fort.

“Christ! I didn’t even hear you come in!” Harley yelped and clutching her chest dramatically. She walked over to her wife and greeted her with a kiss to her cheek, “And don’t you worry about the laundry, I pinky promise to take care of it when we’re done with it.”

Pam looked warily from Harley to the clean bed sheets strung all over their living room, “Are we sleeping on it?”

“Not on it silly,” Harley said and lifted one of the corners of the sheets to reveal a mattress, “I dragged that twin size Tempur-pedic bed from the garage cus I know you’ve got back problems like a mofo’. And I made sure to beat the hell out of it and put like three layers of bed sheets on it.”

Maybe she was just that tired or it was genuinely funny the way she said ‘mofo’ but Pam doubled over in silent laughter. Harley joined her, laughing loud and proud.

“Look, I don’t need to ask how your day went,” Harley said gently and undid the buttons to Pam’s work shirt, “I got take out from _Krua Thai_ , _Planet Earth_ on Netflix loaded up, and your favorite cuddle buddy right here.” 

Pam looked into Harley’s eyes sheepishly, “Thank… Thank you.”

Harley kissed the tip of her nose as she undid the last button, “Anything for you, pretty girl.” 

“...Do I look that bad?”

“I know you’ve had a good day when you come home with dirty hands,” Harley reached down and held up their intertwined fingers, “Looks like you’ve been stuck at your desk all day, huh?”

“You should be a psychiatrist or something.” Pam muttered as she pulled off her shirt. 

She stepped towards the fort to climb in but Harley suddenly stopped her.

”Hold your horses, there’s a dress code for the fort!”

Pam frowned and gestures to herself, “I’m in a bra and slacks. And I remember you once saying that, ‘you’ve never seen anything sexier.’”

“Well, duh, have you seen yourself?” Harley said rolling her eyes and pushing her towards their bedroom, “Go get into something comfy and I’ll get the food ready. Go on, git!”

Pam stopped for a moment and turned around. Harley looked at her then the door then back at Pam with a quirked brow. 

Pam stepped towards her, wrapped her arms around her neck, and kissed her deeply. Hands trailed down from her jaw, to her shoulders and arms, then finding home at her hips. Harley didn’t mind the burst of affection, and knowing Pam’s hands were completely free of dirt, she let her roam. 

When they separated, heaving quietly against each other, Pam leaned in and placed a tender kiss just below her ear. 

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably go insane and I’d be your psychologist at Arkam or somethin’.” 

Pam laughed, weaving a hand into Harley’s hair and tugging gently, “Yeah, probably. But I think I like this universe a lot more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love them so much

**Author's Note:**

> Ngl I know nothing about the DC universe I just love the shit out of these two


End file.
